If you want to know the skill in attracting the woman of your dreams, LOOK no further.
There are countless how-to guides on attraction flooding the web, yet most of them leave you none the wiser. Why? Because they are written from the opinions of men, and although I am a man what I did was documented information from talking to over 200 women and these are my findings.
I mean do guys really know what goes on inside a girl’s head? No. Of course not! It took me a while in putting these together, however I had to do it for my suffering brothers out there who would honestly like to be attracting the woman of your dreams and not allow your natural tendencies to get in the way.
So the questions was — “A woman meets a man in a bar who she’s initially attracted to, but later in the interaction she becomes disinterested…
What do you think are the 10 biggest attraction killers that men are guilty of making?”
1. Not holding eye contact / poor attention span
Not making eye contact. Staring at a woman’s chest or her other assets, looking around the room, texting or fiddling with your smart phone are all huge turnoffs. Your goal is to make a connection with the woman and that is done through eye contact and uninterrupted attention. Anything else feels dis-ingenuous. How to be a good listener
2. Too much sexual intent
Do not make sexual innuendos. Don’t make sexual comments, don’t say anything sexual, and definitely don’t touch her upon first meeting her. You are trying to develop trust and this immediately ruins it. A woman wants to feel special and not like a piece of meat. Say something complimentary about her hair, her outfit, her shoes or offer to buy her a drink.
3. Bragging & talking too much
Bragging too much and not being a good listener. Many times men try to impress too much by talking about themselves and bragging, sometimes even exaggerating the truth to impress the woman. Although it’s important to share a bit of information when meeting a woman, bragging can be a huge turnoff and most women can tell instantly when a guy is full of it.
4. Risky topics – i.e. ex-girlfriends, sex & politics
A guy who initially is interested and then morphs into the “walking wounded” talking about his last girlfriend, his ex-fiancé, his ex (or deceased) wife, and how much he misses her and what a saint she was. No woman wants to hear about the one who came before her. And no woman wants to be the rebound relationship. Come back when you’re feeling better!
5. Being too drunk
Drinking too much! When you’re out trying to pick up women or on a date keep the drinks to a minimum. “I have been hit on countless times by drunk men that smell like they took a bath in the liquor store. The slurred speech, clumsy wild behaviour and bad liquor breath are all major turn offs”, says Amanda Rose from Dating Boutique Inc.
Be yourself! Don’t try to play Mr. Too Cool. Women love a man who is genuine and doesn’t constantly try to impress her. You have a better chance if you are real and open about who you are.
6. Bad hygiene
Your Man Smell. From bad breath to bad B.O., a sensitive lady can really be turned off by your scent.
If you’ve been on the dance floor go to the bathroom and freshen up before you make your move. Also be careful with cologne. Most women prefer a clean scent to the smell of a man bathed in Old Spice. No matter how good you think it smells, use all scents in moderation.
Walk with a mint if you are not sure, better to be safe than sorry.
7. Being over eager
“Acting either desperate or cocky, one of the same both based on insecurity-talking about being around hot girls or ex’s that were hot, texting a lot, not paying attention to the girl in front of him and just bragging about himself with no clue of curiosity of her”, says Lisa Clampitt — Matchmaking Institute.
All a man has to do is pay attention and complement the girl. Pretend she is the only one in the room. Ask questions, listen, look at her, tell her she looks great and of course basic etiquette of opening doors, getting her a seat etc. However if you appear too eager to please it can be a turn off, so just let your complements and chivalry be natural.
8. Not being present – i.e. not enjoying the moment
You got—what? Hold on, just a sec–oh yeah: ADD. The guy who can barely string 3 sentences together without looking at the door to see who’s coming in, looking at the woman who just walked by (or her sweater kittens), checking his phone every 5 seconds, stopping your date in mid-sentence to answer a text – yeah, that is by far a huge turn off. (And yes, both men AND women are guilty of this!)
You’re basically telling the person you’re with (or want to be with) that he/she is really not that important, not that interesting, and essentially a seat-warmer for that super model who’s about to walk in and fall all over you, you in all of your infinite swagginess.
Well, guess what? You just proved you’re the most annoying and dull person on earth, having contributed -0.005% to the conversation and obviously in dire need of Ritalin and an isolation chamber, so peace out.
9. Overzealous, not cool
“A Jesus freak, a Tony Robbins freak or a paleo-diet freak. Hey, if you’re really into something beyond your consciousness or you follow a spiritual path, I dig it”, says Ariel from Ken and Ariel. It is okay for you to believe in something, however do not try to convince your date to be a vegetarian when she orders a steak on the first date.
If the convo is constantly about how Jesus Christ is my Saviour and he just wants you to be his best friend, or how having like, two strips of bacon and an avocado for breakfast will totally change your metabolism, it could prove a turn off and your date will end faster than a whore caught in church.
Often times when a man initiates conversation with a woman at a bar it’s fun because women like to be noticed so all is well right up front. But as the conversation continues it becomes evident that he is a selfish bastard and guess what that means? That means he is a lazy dater. HUGE turn off.
When a man comes up to a woman at a bar it is the first moment of courting, so if he immediately seems selfish she knows he will suck at courting and the romance won’t be there to keep her interested.
Women need to be romanced, courted, showed that they are special. Just imagine romance to women is what sex is to men. But you only get the sex when you have fulfilled her emotional needs first. Selfish guys have a hard time thinking about her rather than themselves so if that’s obvious in the first conversation it’s a nail in the coffin.
The Biggest Attraction Builders voted by the 200 women that were interviewed over a 3 year period is:
#1 Be a good listener
#2 Hold eye contact
#3 Be present in the moment
#4 Compliment her
#5 Build a connection
#6 Ask questions
I just hope this articles is seen by those wonderful gentlemen who may be finding it hard in finding their queen, we know that more ladies than men are reading, so you should share with your male friends, they sure do need the help.