Relationship Guide Review

20 Questions you need to ask yourself before Marriage

It was on August 3, 2003 the day I was to be married, you should have seen the smile on my face. Most of my friends were there, family and guest were geed up to celebrate my special day. It felt great! The euphoric feeling will always stay with me, so even though my marriage failed a couple of years after marrying my friend, I can still look back with a smile, remembering all the folks who supported us on this day and what great fun we had.

20 questionsWhen the curtains are drawn and all you have left are each other, then you ask yourself, now that we are husband and wife where do we go from here? The mind is a powerful organ and will sometimes send out warning signs during your courtship days, some persons ignore the questions, some explore it, how can you tell whether you are over processing or not is hard to tell, however there are some questions you need answered before you say “I do”.

Do not be afraid in pursuing these questions, it could dictate your future happiness.

  1. Is for better or worse making me better or worse?

Does your partner encourage you to be your best self, or does he or she get intimidated by any triumphs and feel more secure when you’re not putting your best foot forward? If you find that when you achieve anything, no matter how small it is and your partner is not supportive then you need to follow-up.

  1. Do we really accept one another?

There will always be things you want to change about the people in your life, but no one should be in a situation where they feel they aren’t allowed to be authentic and accepted as the unique, special (yet flawed) person they are. If you find that the he/she wants to change you that you are not accepted, that is an issue.

  1. Who am I?

How can you know if your partner is a good match if you have no idea who you are? It is important that you at least know yourself, I know, how does one do that is the common question, but if you spend time alone, you will discover things about you that will actually surprise you.

  1. Am I happy to be in this relationship?

The idea of sharing a life together is not to find someone to complete you or make you happy. But let’s face it: being unhappy at home can seep into other areas of your life … and fast. If you’re always fighting or just generally not feeling great about your twosome, it doesn’t mean you have to bail out (counselling might be a good option) but marrying someone in the hope that it changes things is a bad, bad idea, haha! very bad idea.

  1. Am I feeling trapped?

Do you really want to be in this relationship the majority of the time or do you find yourself wishing for a way out? Do you stay because you’ve invested time or are you really invested in your mate? Finances can do this to a couple, if we do not see our way out without our partner we tend to hold on to the relationship, this is not healthy for the success of the relationship.

  1. What am I doing to hold us back?

Maybe you could be more attentive, more thoughtful, quicker to let things go, or the first to bring up going to counselling. Whatever it is, take this as your sign to step up.

  1. Is this relationship balanced?

Do you feel you’re both on the same page in terms of compromise, care, support and sacrifice? Or is one of you doing most of the giving while the other just sits with their hand out?

  1. Can we have fun together?

Have you ever seen two people sit across from one another in silence at brunch as though they are being forced to walk through their day together? Not. fun.

  1. Can we have fun apart?

Co-dependency is never good, sometimes it is not easy to know that you are operating like this, but if you feel you need to know where your partner is all the time or something is going to go very wrong, then you need to step back.

  1. Are we communicating?

You really want to talk to he/she but you are afraid of how they are going to react, you cannot get a word in, always being misunderstood, you would prefer to keep quiet than to address the many questions in your head. All are bad signs for the future success of a marriage, you will not be able to always talk about it all the time and at any time, however you should never feel fear when you need to address your feelings in your relationship. Your partner will say things that you could feel hurt initially, do not fire back or that bullet could be fatal, wait until you are less emotional and address it.

  1. Why am I in this relationship?

A question that you need to ask yourself and you need to write your list of things if you are not sure. Work on it, and then on that day when it happens, there will be this certainty in your heart that the future with this person is going to be bright, (and they got married and lived happily ever after).

Couple holding hands face to face in garden

  1. Do I really trust my partner?

For some, the immediate response to this can be devastating. If you’re one of them, it’s time to ask why and how you can begin to build or rebuild trust. Without it, there’s no chance.

  1. Am I with a good person?

Knowing what you know about your partner today, would you vouch for them if they were a friend?

  1. Am I attracted to my partner?

Physical attraction is hardly the most important component in a relationship, but forcing yourself to be in a relationship with someone who you’re not attracted to — just because it’s comfortable or “perfect on paper” isn’t fair to anyone. You will feel resentful and they will feel rejected. Oh and by the way if you suppress, it will explode when you least expect it to.

  1. Am I a parent or a partner?

Taking care of someone you love is a great thing to do, but when you feel like you’re raising a boyfriend — or worse, a husband — things get a little complicated. You’ll resent his childish ways. Who wants to sleep with their mom, or their son?

  1. Does my partner have my back?

Do you feel like you’re a part of a loyal team who stands up for one another, supports one another, and shows a united front (even when the other is not around)? Or, do you feel like you’re constantly being thrown under the bus by your mate?

  1. Are we looking in the same direction?

Some couples avoid having the big talks (religion, marriage, babies) because they think that, somehow, these things will just “work themselves out.” By the time they realize they won’t, they’re in a complicated, painful situation that leaves one (or both) feeling a little bit duped. Be honest with your answers, there are couples who will tell the other, sure I want kids because the other blurted out that they love children.

  1. Are we growing together?

Being a human being living on this earth, we all have a right to grow and develop, and create a full life for ourselves. Are you and your partner still indulging in your passions (individual and shared) and growing as individuals?

  1. Am I still me?

Being in love with someone should not require changing our identity to fit someone else’s idea of who we should be, on any level.

  1. What is my gut telling me?

You have intuition for a reason. Listen to yourself, we tend sometimes to overlook that nagging feeling inside that says, something is not right here, just don’t.

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