Sunday morning can be one of the most relaxing days of the week, before you know it the day is done and you accomplished nothing, then as the evening progresses it is the eve of another Monday and your head hurts. Sometimes my Mondays felt like a broken heart.
We would do breakfast together, sit together out on the patio and talk and laugh until the sunset, we were great for each other I thought. I would look forward to Sundays with my wife of 7 years.
Something however changed and to this day I am still not sure what happened, but each time I tried to get answers nothing changed – and instead of being patient with the situation I threatened and demanded a change because if we continued like this, we were going to fail. The change never came and it was the beginning of a broken heart.
I will share with you some valuable lessons:
1. I once heard that one of the most important lessons we have to learn in life is how to let go, because this prepares us for death—the ultimate letting go. In every heartbreak is the opportunity to let go of some of our deepest desires, fears, and attachments.
2. Embodying detachment to someone with whom we are/were intimate takes time, patience, and an iron will. As poet Marge Piercy states, “It hurts to thwart the reflexes/of grab, of clutch; to love and let/go again and again.” Letting go gets easier and easier with every heartbreak, especially when we realize that by letting go, we let new love come into our lives.
3. Life is a movement from Lionel Richie’s “Endless Love” to Bob Marley’s “One Love.” We start by equating true love with one person—“no one else will do.” Through heartbreak, we learn that unconditional love doesn’t play favorites. After my divorce I honestly never thought I could love again, for every breakup those were my thoughts, sure enough it depends on how deep you loved, you always think I cannot go any deeper with another, however experience has taught me differently.
Heartbreak teaches us to love everyone (including our ex-lovers) and everything (including the pain of unrequited love). When we are able to love unconditionally, we “give thanks and praise to the Lord and…will feel all right.” My ex and I have a beautiful friendship, however to be honest I would not reconcile for an intimate relationship with her, I have my reasons.
4. “Will I survive this?” “Will I ever love again?” “Will I be alone forever?” These are the types of questions we confront when our hearts are broken. Of course, none of these questions are answerable.
A broken heart forces us to sit in uncertainty. We have no idea what will happen next. At a certain point, we realize that the future is always uncertain. When we embrace this uncertainty, we see how anything is possible.
The less we demand answers to these unanswerable questions, the less we try to force the future into our presence. When we stay in the wild present tense, we see that we are never alone and nothing is really uncertain. We are always already connected and loved. Nothing is left to chance. We just need to get our minds and bodies back into the present beautiful moment.
A Broken Heart
It is very clear that love is an essential part of our lives, we just need to understand that once we all love it will find us, we all however need to know that one broken heart can last a life time, love is all around us, there is really no need to get lost.