The pain you feel when someone you thought cared about you suddenly decided that loving you was a mistake that you are not at fault, it was their mistake and they are sorry; they cannot look into your eyes anymore, they beg you not talk about it. Your soul is ripped out from inside, the feeling of hopelessness, the lumpy feeling in your throat, the weak feeling in your knees, if you move now you would just hit the ground.
There must be something you can do or say to change their minds, they are making the biggest mistake of their life, all those dreams and expectations to just disappear, all those plans of travelling together, this is not making sense, how could someone love you so much yesterday and not love you today. The pieces are not fitting, the answers are not making sense.
One day it will not matter.
What a loss, this person did not get it, you wanted so much to love them, to be their for them forever, to lose yourself in the experience of bliss, that is so sad. It is so sad, that this one woman who you met and even with her flaws decided to love her anyway, cannot appreciate the love you bring, and broke her promise to love you for better or worse in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer until death, decided to break her promise.
We were not given the power to control someone’s emotions, to decide who should love us and for how long. It is so sad that all those boyhood dreams and fantasies of finding the one, driving off into the sunset with the open roof fast car just died. The pain the heart must experience after separation, long nights and even longer days, the world is still going, those miserable birds are still chirping, and the expectations are still present, if I do not pay the light bill at the end of the month, they will disconnect in 7 days.
Nothing stops, and so I must start working on recovering and to think that after 3 years I would wake up to be writing an article like this. Recovery is something you must work on every day, it doesn’t get a day off, the beautiful thing is, it does get better, they are actually right when they say… time is a true healer.
They say grief comes in two parts, the loss, and then the remaking of new life.