My Lawyer called me and said, “Your nisi was granted’ yippee! ‘It means you are divorced but the law gives you six weeks starting from the date on the nisi to re-consider. If you wish to proceed to the absolute to make the divorce final we can file that application on the date six weeks after the nisi period is completed. Your nisi was not at the window for collection. Will check back at another time to see if it has been put at the window’.
When she hung the phone up, I just sat there and a million and one questions crossed my mind. Memories of the relationship crossed my mind, I had mixed feelings, and that was the surprising thing, I thought I would be jumping for joy, because what was and is a very stressful experience is now coming to an end.
After I heard about the Nisi, the mixed emotions were still there the next day. I have decided to share this emotion with my readers. While I knew this was the best news in the world, I could not help but remembering the different shades of her, and that was the biggest surprise of all. I asked myself, why was I divorcing her again? Then I realize that I was not going out of my mind, that most persons who do it have mixed emotions.
Emotions are not good or bad. They just ARE. When a couple divorces, the bad times they shared may be a recent memory, but there are times when each person feels vulnerable, lonely, or scared of the changes taking place. At these times, you may think of the good times. (Hopefully, they were not all bad!) Allow yourself these trips down memory lane. Don’t try to push down your emotions, but allow yourself to feel all the emotional stages of divorce. Expect that you will have your up’s and down’s.
Divorce means change. Realize that every divorce brings about such change, and change is not always easy. There are times we are tempted to look back, because it is easier than facing the fact that you now have to rebuild your life. Trust yourself that you can handle anything that comes along and that you have made the right decision to divorce. Don’t let fear overtake your judgment.
Tell the truth. Be honest with yourself about your feelings. Journaling is very helpful for most people undergoing a major life change. If journaling is not for you, then maybe you need a counselor to help you deal with your emotions. It is helpful to have a professional you can tell your innermost feelings to, and never have to see again, when therapy is completed.
These are some of the things you need to take into consideration and it does help your mind-set for all those who are separated, thinking about divorce or divorced. My counselor really helped, and even suggested me going to a support group, but to be honest after two meetings I decided against it because they all were bashing their ex, that was not my experience, it just seemed a group of persons who came together to have a pity party, sure it works for some, but it didn’t work for me.
Separation and divorce is about change, and we all may feel like its hard to feel centered, but following some simple tips, you would be surprise how the time can pass so quickly and you can cope and then go on to make a better/different life for yourself. I must be honest, I am the happiest I have ever been.