So your heart is broken, you have gone through all the stages of being shocked to the acceptance stage and the most important part of the process is the process of healing. I wanted to be unforgiving, just wanted to hate my ex for life; in fact the anger was so exhilarating that when I found I was moving on from that stage although tiring was interesting.
I started meeting women again, some interesting, some not so much, I was still comparing them with the ex. After a while, I started asking questions? Is this the right girl, am I going to give my heart again, will it hurt again? Questions no one could answer, then I realize that while in the three years of not being in a relationship I was far from being healed and was now doing what was done to me, breaking hearts!
I did not want to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated, and confused – all these are feelings that you must have to help with the healing process. These intense feelings people try to avoid. The anxious feelings about what about my love life for the future, my marriage was very unhealthy, some nights I felt like just dying than living like this, but now I felt okay, pushing all those feelings behind me, but that frightening feeling of aloneness was normal, who knew that?
I did not give myself a break – I thought I had to function on optimal level, so I dived into work, got more active at church, all this time feeling tired in my heart and head. I did not know that it was quite okay to feel less productive, that I did not have to be superman that the feeling of listlessness was okay and I needed even to just take a vacation and chill with my feelings.
I Kept the feeling inside – Should have been sharing my feelings with friends and family through the period. Some persons join support groups, where they can talk to others with similar experiences, I found a site that helped, thank you Relationship Talk! A journal, but guys don’t do that. However it needed more than that, and since I am naturally a private person, it did not help keeping the feelings inside.
So let me share with you some things I have learned since that break up and a perfect way you can heal from hurt and separation, preparing yourself for a healthy tomorrow.
- Don’t fight the feelings – Ups and downs will happen, don’t fight it, go with it.
- Know the difference between a normal reaction and depression tendencies – Grief is normal, but when it is lasting too long then you need to pay attention. You will notice that after days of grief, you start feeling better, but if you are not feeling any better after many days, then see a doctor.
- Talk – This is proven to be one of the most effective methods, we tend to shut ourselves in, but this is the time to talk, I just talked about it with whomever and now I am good to go.
- Moving on is the goal – Expressing your feelings will liberate you in a way, but it is important not to dwell on the negative feelings or to over-analyze the situation. Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger, and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward…can I get a witness!!!
- Remind yourself that you still have a future – It was hard for me to let the dream go of my past relationship, but the moment I did was the moment my liberation came. Now I have new hopes and dreams and it’s a beautiful place to be.
That is how you heal, those are the things you need to do. Hey! You need to be honest with yourself during this process. Try not to dwell on who is to blame or beat yourself up over your mistakes, yes, I did all of that. As you look back at your relationship, you have an opportunity to learn more about yourself, how you relate to others, and the problems you need to work on. If you are able to objectively examine your own choices and behaviour, including the reasons why you chose your former partner, you’ll be able to see where you went wrong and make better choices in the future.
Enjoy the ride of healing, I am, and it’s wonderful!