It is human nature to crave space. We talk about compatibility as if we expect the person we fall in love with to be like us, that can never be healthy space, romantic or otherwise. While sharing experiences and feelings can bring many wonderful things to a relationship, you need time to be an individual as well. In order for a relationship to be healthy, you should have your own hobbies, interests, and social life. Work on establishing firm boundaries. From there, make the most of your alone time. Explore new hobbies and interests to get in touch with your own identity. If you need more space, there may be problems in your relationship. If you are not faced with these issues you have issues, if you find that you need too much space you have issues, there has to be a fine balance, so let us dig in and see if we can find that fine balance for a healthy relationship.
Establishing your feelings – Before running to your partner or family members and barking that you need some space, take the time first to establish what is contributing to your feelings and why you need space. When you know what you want then you can intelligently approach that overwhelming feeling you get when persons are around. In a relationship, you often get too swept up in another person’s issues. Try to disengage from what the other person is thinking and feeling. Instead, focus on yourself. Think about your ideal amount of space, and why you need that space.
Learn about your partner’s needs – It is always important to note that as overwhelmed as you are sometimes the individual you partner with may be experiencing the same thing, they may take a different approach however if you take the time to understand their needs then when you ask for space the reception to your request may not be greeted with shock and surprise. We all have needs and sometimes we think by expressing those needs we may create a bad environment, sure it may be rocky to begin with, however it is always better when you share your needs in long run you normally reap positive results, healthy space calls for open and honest communication. If you have a friend who is always forgetting important meetings or events in your life and this bothers you then let them know upfront how you feel about it. If they get upset about you sharing your feelings then maybe you should re-evaluate the friendship, but good relationship will have misunderstandings and if you cannot voice your feelings then there is something fundamentally wrong with the friendship.
Be specific with your request – Do not walk into your conversation with, “We need to talk, I need some space”. You can share with your partner by making a specific request. John would get home to wife that was waiting for him at the door to share with him her day… at the end of it she was upset that he was not listening to her. He wanted to but at the end of his work day he needed that little time to unwind and then he could talk. All John needed to do was asked for half an hour when he got home and then he would be good, but he was so afraid of making that request he pretended to be listening and always got caught. If space is requested of you then you can ask specific questions in understanding fully what the person is requesting, space means different things to different persons. Healthy space can be achieved by communicating honestly.
Express yourself with love – This is the tricky part but the most important part. When you share your feelings with someone you should do so with love, do not get impatient if they are taking a while to understand your request, take a much time to answer their questions even if it appears ridiculous, however in the end make the effort, because making the effort can mean a lifetime of peace.
Negotiating Space – Having a conversation about space can be subjective so ensure that you are ready to compromise. Your need for space maybe so different than your partner’s need that compromising may not be a bad idea, sure space can be and is a positive thing, however if one partner is suffering then it is only benefiting one person. Even though you are requesting space also go to listen. You are suffocating in the relationship and the other person is insistent, sure it can be hard, however it is important to realize that a little at a time can bring the relationship to where it is supposed to be, so it may not be that you will end up getting the required space in one go.
So if your partner is telling you that they need space, you need to look beyond the words at the bigger picture. What they’re actually saying is that they don’t feel the chemistry. They don’t feel the connection. The love just isn’t there right now. Space can reignite the spark, not forcing a connection, there is nothing wrong with being asked for space or asking for space yourself, the real command is how you manage communicating what you actually need.