There is this saying in the bible that I absolutely love when I am dealing with difficult situations and difficult people, ‘wheat and tears will grow together until the day of harvest’. In that case at least there is going to be a day of harvest, but what if you have the perfect partner but his/her family is difficult or just downright toxic, do I give up the relationship because of his/her family?
Do I sell the beautiful home because there are some weeds in the garden of dandelions?
There are ways of approaching this and coming out on top, some things worth having are worth fighting for, so here are some pointers that will certainly help.
The best way to protect your relationship from destructive potential in-laws is to unite as a couple. Rather than allowing their problems in dividing you and your partner, seize every opportunity to behave in a way that strengthens your relationship. Refuse to listen to your parent’s gossip about your spouse, and don’t complain to your spouse about his or her parents. Communicate with your mate, make him a priority over your parents, reach loving compromises and present a united front to relatives.
If you are being manipulated by your partner’s family, then you must stop letting them manipulate you. Toxic family members will have a negative reaction when you draw healthy boundaries with them. They may attempt to manipulate you with guilt until you sacrifice your own needs in order to please them. They may roll their eyes around, shake their heads, hang up on you, storm out of the house or make threats. They may accuse you of being disrespectful to other family members. They constantly criticize others, cry when someone does something to them, this time it is you. They may test you to see if you‘ll back down, much like a two-year old throwing a tantrum. It’s extremely important to stand your ground even if they choose to be offended by your healthy behaviour. Learn to use effective phrases such as, “I’m sorry you’re upset, but this isn’t up for negotiation” or, “I’m not willing to discuss this with you anymore. Is there something else you’d like to talk about instead?”
You can choose to stay in the victim mode by complaining and gossiping or you can do what is in your power to improve your situation. Equip yourself to deal with problems by reading books, seeing a counsellor, join a support group or you can just talk to us Relationship Guide Review.
How to Deal with your partner’s toxic family members when they make derogatory comments about the way you eat, dress, raise your kids, etc? The extent to which they can push your buttons is the extent to which you are letting them have power over you. When your insecurity is replaced with confidence, you’ll realize that their opinions don’t outrank yours and you don’t need their approval. When you grasp the fact that you are an adult on an equal level to them, your behaviour will change and that will likely trigger a change in their behaviour. If you want to be treated as an adult, then you must behave as one.
Rather than holding silent grudges against them, be honest with them in a respectful and consistent manner. For example, if they invite themselves over more often than you’d like, say, “This Friday won’t work for us, but you’re welcome to come over next Saturday.” If they insist on showing up even after you’ve told them it’s an inconvenient time, ignore the doorbell. If they telephone too early, too late or too often, let the answering machine pick up their calls. If they offer unwanted advice about how to do your thing, say, “I know you’re probably just trying to help, but this isn’t your decision.”
I hope you found this blog interesting in How to Deal with your partner’s toxic family and helpful to your present situation. This was written for Unsure on Relationship Talk. Nothing should interfere with your love life, even if the potential in-laws are toxic, there is a way.