When I checked with my website I realized two things, “How to get over a breakup” got so many hits my head was amazed and then second to that were articles that read, “How to find true love“.
How to find true love?
As with material possessions or professional achievements, relationships give our ego a method by which to identify who we are to the outside world. The problem is that we attach so much of our identity to the external appearance of our relationships that we lose touch with the parts of ourselves that are wise and conscious. The attachment to this false identity leads to a feeling of desperation rather than fulfilment. After all, without the relationship, or the job, or whichever other false identities we have chosen, who would we be?
Besides the ego identification, it’s easy to develop a dependency on companionship. That independent person that we once were starts to evaporate. Our mind becomes fogged and as our self-identification begins to attach itself to the other person, unconsciously or consciously, we become afraid to lose that person. We become dependent on that person and fearful of loneliness.
Out of our emotional insecurities, we start to become needy and to seek out validation from our partner. So, instead of focusing on the celebration of love and partnership, it becomes a game of how to protect ourselves from loss.
Divorce was the hardest emotion that I had to face, however after acceptance and healing it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me, so this is what I learned about how to find true love. Once you have a sense of self, you know and love yourself, finding true love is the easy part.
Out of a desire to avoid appearing needy and out of a fear of losing our partner, we start to filter what we say. In doing so, we do not communicate our needs clearly, openly or bravely. We somehow become convinced that our partner will magically know what to do to fulfil our needs. When our needs are not met, we secretly blame the other person and begin to resent them. When we are unhappy, our partner will pick up on the cues, and in turn, secretly resent us, thus starting a vicious cycle in the silent destruction of a romantic partnership.
So much of what needed to be said was not said, and bad feelings are bottled up and start to accumulate for both parties. Have you ever had a friend come to you and complain about all of the things they are unhappy about with their partner? Those are the kinds of things they should be telling their partner if they actually want a change.
Worse yet is when one partner openly communicates their needs only to find that the other party is simply not listening, or does not fully acknowledge what was said, or makes them feel guilty for having those needs. What is worse is when you are listening and you are told that you are not listening because your partner is expecting you not to be listening.
How to find true love is not difficult and why because it is always right there in front of us, beside us and even behind us, it is all around us, but we refuse to see love because we expect it to be difficult, now where did that come from?
In life, we will get random results if we have no specific needs or wants. Identifying and understanding what it is that we need in a relationship, allows us to set clear intentions, and in doing so, moves us closer to realizing our intended desires, the only way that will happen is if we actually spent the time in understanding ourselves.