We often hurt the ones we love the most – especially in relationships. And when you spend virtually all of your free time with the same person, it’s inevitable that you’ll have the occasional row, however managing your anger can save your relationship.
Even the experts agree being angry with your other half can help get rid of tension and is a sign you’re comfortable enough to truly be yourself. But what happens when tiffs become daily screaming matches? Something has to be done or something will give.
According to research by the British Association of Anger Management, one in five people has ended a relationship because of how their other half behaved when they were angry. And 19% of people say their domestic relationships are the most stressful thing in their lives, so it is confirmed that managing your anger can save your relationship.
The current recession and financial worries many of us are facing, aren’t helping either. Work-related stress has soared by 40% and sadly, it is often our nearest and dearest we take it out on.
Managing Your Anger can save your Relationship
“Stress fuels anger, and at work we can’t express that anger for fear of the consequences,” explains Mike. “If your boss has undermined you, then all that resentment builds up. When you go home, you take it out on your partner.
It is responsible for us to take control of what we say and do and so we need to recognize when things are falling apart and manage. Where do we go from here we may ask, however here are some simple tips to take into consideration when we are overwhelmed:
1. Say “I” instead of “you”
One of the first things we do when angry is blame and shame the other person for our feelings. By saying “I feel” instead of “you make me feel” we take ownership of our own feelings.
2. Stick to the facts
It’s very easy to mix up facts, feelings and opinions when bringing a complaint to someone, resulting in an argument. By stating the facts first – such as “we agreed to meet at 8 and you arrived at 8.30” – you can keep the matter clear.
3. Don’t take it personally
When we realize that 99% of what others say and or do to us is actually all about them and not about us, we can start to let people resolve their own issues instead of allowing ourselves to believe the put-down, managing your anger can save your relationship.
4. Deal with past-tense anger
Rage is most often the result of unfinished business between people. Stop ‘sweeping’ anger under the carpet. It’s real and will eat away at you and your relationships if you don’t learn how to express it clearly.
5. Look at the ‘big picture’
There’s no sense in stressing about things that don’t matter in the long run. Learn to say how you feel in the moment, then make time to discuss things that are important to you when you’re NOT angry.