Relationship Guide Review

Stages of a Breakup

Desperate to negotiate with yourself or your ex, you may go to extreme measures to make deals or become something else

Desperate to negotiate with yourself or your ex, you may go to extreme measures to make deals or become something else

In most person’s lifetime they will experience several things and one of these things is a breakup, no matter how long you wait, or if you jumped into it at an early age, once you decide to give your heart to someone, you will be experiencing a breakup, what I find interesting is, we are never prepared for it when it happens and most if not all crumble under the pressure of a breakup.

When you are familiar with the stages of a breakup for some reason you handle the experience with poise and structure. Never wait until you are in the middle of a breakup to start checking out what happens when it does, in fact you pay so much more attention to your relationship when you are familiar with the stages, and you are so much more careful before giving your heart to another.

You have been dumped is different than if you are the dumpee, but whether you are one or the other you will still experience the stages:

The stage of anger is all about blaming the ex.

The stage of anger is all about blaming the ex.

What the hell just happened! This is the first stage of a breakup when you cannot actually believe you are on your own. Shock is the body’s natural protection against pain. And when your relationship first ends, you just might not want to deal with what’s coming next. It may be too scary, too lonely, too confusing. A state of disbelief could last minutes, weeks or even months and likely lasts longer if you are on the receiving end of an unexpected breakup. Don’t be surprised if you feel a sense of blurriness about the actual breakup scene, a literal loss of breath, or trouble sleeping.

This is not happening! Denial is rejection of reality and a storage of feelings. The thinking is that, if you don’t accept the heartbreak, then it didn’t really happen, thus leaving hope for reunion. During this stage of a breakup it is common to call, email or even Facebook-stalk — anything that feels remotely “normal” about the relationship — in an effort to put dealing with the heartbreak on hold. If the other person is holding out then you get really upset and think they are unfair and even feel a sense of betrayal.

I hate you for breaking my heart! You are now very angry with this person, Anger is just another stage of a breakup, your heart was sad, now you are mad… During this stage of breakup, you may find yourself burning pictures of him/her, holding stuff hostage, slandering your ex to friends or worse. If you are angry with yourself, you may do a lot of self-talk — regretful thoughts and angry conversation with yourself. The deeper desire here is often to place blame.

I am hurting, I need your help.

I am hurting, I need your help.

What will it take to get my partner back? This is the bargaining stage, the anger has subsided and you are thinking maybe if you were nicer, more romantic, sometimes involving prayers, this stage is often about getting your ex back, but other times, it is about absolving your own guilt if you did something wrong that caused the breakup. Desperate to negotiate with yourself or your ex, you may go to extreme measures to make deals or become something else (thinner, less jealous, etc.) to make amends — when in truth, it is just about making the current pain go away.

I will never find another like my ex! Depression sets in and you feel like your life is over, that love is too difficult to find, that this persons was the best you could have done and you messed it up or it got messed up for whatever reason. You just want to sleep all day, definitely not wanting to talk to anyone, all the opposite sex looks ugly, and you cannot find the energy to do anything at all. I will add though that during this stage, do not do anything that you will regret, no revenge sex, no eating late at nights and drinking – you may regret it.

I will be okay, there was a lesson to learn and I got it! Acceptance is that stage when you realize that once you have you, it is going to be okay. The acceptance stage of a breakup makes all the other really tough ones worth it. This is the one that finally gives you that welcome sense of exhalation. You come to realize what the past meant and what the future can hold. The sun begins to shine, and you begin to feel like yourself again, ready to move onward and upward.

You can be fulfilled and happy again, just a matter of time.

You can be fulfilled and happy again, just a matter of time.

There are other feelings, and sometimes you float between feelings, in fact after you have accepted you could sometimes feel a little sad but it doesn’t last and for some they still get a little angry, but at the end of the day you can celebrate your new feeling, I will guarantee you this; when you love again, especially with your eyes open, you will find true love, the kind that you have always been waiting for.

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