A beautiful marriage has to start somewhere. They were sharing an ice cream cone, and they were looking at peace with each other. He had to be about in his late 80s and his wife around the same age, I assumed they were married for a number of years. They were holding hands and seemed completely in love with each other and so I decided to go over and talk with them.
“I could not help just observing how loving you guys appear to be with each other and it warms my heart”. With a bright and engaging smile the lady snuggled on her husband’s shoulder and said, “57 beautiful years and if I had the chance to do it again, this would be the man”. He was not much of a talker, but that smile said, ditto!
When I walked away I felt a little sad, my opinion of marriage changed after divorce and sometimes I still struggle with the question, could I ever find true love and would I want to get married again and wondered if ‘a beautiful union’ exist? The truth is they do, but folks have gotten so scarred that we are told to live with the person for 6 months to be sure, we see all this advice online, make sure you get at least one year of pre-marital counselling. When Frank’s marriage was on the rocks, the first thing the counselor said to him was, ‘well if you guys had come to me in the first place you would not be in this predicament’, and that is after he took all the necessary precautions of going to counselling and following all the rules, ugh!
After spending most of his time talking to folks who get their heart’s broken every day, I mean over 40,000 forum post on a regular Relationship site, I think maybe we should go back to the old school way of marriage, and you may ask what is that? OK, now I’m going to tell you what I think you ought to do about approaching that fear of a marriage. Nothing. That’s right. Nothing. The problem is not the anxiety of getting married, it is not focusing on dotting the I’s and crossing the T’s, the problem is the lack of action. If you experience anxiety, don’t look for a way to magically reduce your fear. Instead, I want you to do something revolutionary that most “experts” would never recommend. I want you to suck it up and go talk to that hot guy or girl anyway, to continue to love your partner as if there is no tomorrow, for married couples to forgive that mistake and give the relationship all you got. See the hottie, feel the fear, go approach anyway, act nervous and stupid, be rejected (maybe), chalk a victory up to action, become better at tackling a fear, if you are in the relationship and something is off, talk it over and be honest about it, do not be afraid to express your fears.
It is fear that is destroying our relationships/marriages, once we observe something that would suggest, oops! That’s a red flag right there and then we go into self-preservation mode and once the slide has started– there is no turning back.
There were two old ladies sitting on a bench having a conversation with each other, I could not find a decent spot to sit in the park and I knew for some reason once I sat with them there was going to be dialogue and sure enough a conversation started. At the end of the conversation I had revealed so much about myself and I took this away from what one of the lady’s said to me, “live every day as it were your last day, there is really no room for fear, love hard, and show love, do not wait for it to happen”.