That word baggage is certainly true, that is what it is when you move on to another relationship without ensuring that you have totally moved on from another, sometimes it is when you are in the relationship that you are now realizing that you may not be truly healed, yikes! I just hated it when someone would declare… “You are still in love with her, she really did a number on you?” I would get so angry, but deep inside I knew it was true.
A friend of mine who was out of a long-term relationship decided he was getting married within a year of getting divorced, I was shocked, I asked him… “already?” He laughed and asked me what should he be waiting around for, so there you go. The wedding was beautiful and he appeared very happy, well kudos to him because I was still struggling with the question…. When to tell you are over your ex?
1. Excited about their Success/Happiness
My ex called to say that she was graduating, I knew the effort she had put in with acquiring a Third Degree. Sleepless nights, the many sacrifices, I was excited that she passed and I even wanted to be at the graduation, my reaction surprised me.
2. They are not on your mind
After the breakup, songs reminded me, the car she drove, every time I saw one like it, I was reminded, after a while those little things would just subside, it took some years, but after a while you honestly do not remember. It is amazing how the mind works and the statement is true that the opposite of love is not hate, it certainly is apathy. When she decided to go she shared with me a friend who she was always interested in, she declared if anything that was the love of her life, she should have put a dagger through my heart. I remember seeing the guy at a funeral and you would never imagine the feeling that ran through me, however now I have no feelings either way, just nothing – can you imagine that, the experts are right, it is apathy.
3. Not asking questions about your ex
After the breakup I would contact her friends, relatives that cared for me very much, what is she doing now? Is she still seeing the guy, every failure would be celebrated and every success would feel like a kick in the teeth, however when you are healed you really do not care to know and if someone shares something about your ex, it is just that – information, but there is no feeling about it one way or another, in fact true healing may even trigger just the opposite of what you felt initially, you are sorry for their pain and you celebrate the victories,
4. You feel true connection with someone
After the divorce I felt the need to be a relationship again, I needed it so badly. For a while I suppressed my need for intimacy, passion and commitment. And now it was available to me, so there they all were – women! I know what I want, been through it and now I was sure. However there was something that would happen, each time I met someone there was something exciting about them, you felt the lust and infatuation, but my heart was not allowing me to go any further, it said no! wait! something is wrong! Even when I fought hard to dispel the feeling it was there and you could see the confusion in those women eyes when I was struggling for a reason to run.
Then you get to a place where you actually meet someone and you are comfortable with who they are without hearing the disgusting voices in your head that is triggered from fear, you are ready to start a journey with someone that would involve intimacy, commitment and passion.
5. Social Media is a good indicator.
It was difficult to see photos of the past on social media, conversations that doesn’t include you, however the one thing I was happy about was that she was not active on social media, but for those who you whose exes are constantly on social media, maybe you should take a break, maybe a long break or a short break will depend on how the relationship breaking has impacted you. However if you find that being on social media and seeing your exes post doesn’t rattle you at all then you are good for it.
Nothing makes modern-day breakups harder than the ability to track every little thing about them on social media. Even if you’re not trying to track them, they still end up popping up on your feeds every six seconds. Maybe you end up stalking their Instagram and analyzing every photo for signs of heartbreak or maybe you’ve unfollowed, unfriended and even blocked them so hard because you can’t bear to still have reminders of them. Either way, until you can be more chilled out about their media presence, it’s not really done in your mind.
Just a couple of days ago I got a call from someone from my past, yup! That was how it felt, she was not my ex anymore.
When you get to that place when you are thinking about the time anymore, when you try to remember how you got together with this person in the first place, when you truly have fought to remember the reasons for the breakup and even if you remember you can talk about it without feeling any kind of resentment to the person, it is just a conversation piece then you know you are good to go. But even the biggest, most heart-breaking breakups at some point will be just somebody you used to know. Then, it’s time to move on. There was this song that I really enjoyed listening to but it never made sense until now. Someone That I Used To Love by Natalie Cole With Lyrics…