There are good reasons why the no contact is good for your broken heart. They say when you are in love with someone there is no going back to hating them which is true, however breakups can be ugly and irrespective of how mature you are when someone walks out you will inevitable feel a deep sense of rejection.
When a relationship ends you can feel hurt or liberation, yes there are some of us who experience so much pain in a relationship that when it ends it is like weight off our shoulders.
It is not common but it does happen that two persons can come together and decide that an intimate relationship is not working, that the marriage is not working and both walk away very content in the decision, this however is not very popular.
However there is the case when you are still in love with your partner and despite your best efforts they insist on going and you at this point you have no choice but accept what they are proposing, in your mind you will fight to the death, this is the person that you love, but I am here to tell you that most cases all you are succeeding in doing is pushing this person further away with your pleading and begging.
If your breakup ends with a happy ending for you, then the no contact rule will be meaningless to you, because you’re probably in another relationship or enjoying the single life anyway. This article is not for you.
But if you’re the one left nursing a broken heart in your lonely room while your current ex flits and jumps from one happy Facebook picture to the next, then the no contact rule definitely applies to you.
There are some rules to follow:
Know this, the person who care enough to desperately try to stay as friends with their ex wants to stay friends only because they’re still in love with their ex. You would take the chance of being with your ex in the hope that they will change their minds and come back, it is a wretched place to be and is not recommended on any level, no contact is good for your broken heart.
If you’re having a hard time moving on from the break up, you need to realize that the only reason you’re still hurt and miserable is because you want your ex back in your arms. Even if you don’t want to date your ex again, the fact that you’re hurting means you feel empty in your heart and want more love in your life.
The more you’re in touch with your ex, the more you’d realize just how empty your heart is with no love in it. You hold on with hope that one day your ex will be back and for some this can go on for years, not healthy.
The best way to disconnect emotionally and heal the hole in your heart is by avoiding your ex completely. It is a myth when persons say that they will ‘never find another find, a lover like you’, I am still trying to remember the group that sang this, oh yes The Manhattans, they fill our heads up with these songs and we incorporate them in our real lives.
Resist the temptation to stay in touch or call your ex just to say hello. Don’t spend your idle hours searching online frantically for any new pictures or any news of their new relationship status. And for crying out loud, avoid looking for ways to bump into them just so you can shake hands or exchange a warm-but-awkward hug. Even if you did a makeover and feel like a million dollars you stay put and do your thing.
12 Reasons the no contact rule is good…
Are you still uncertain about the fact that the no contact rule is the best way to overcome your ex? Here are 12 good reasons why the no contact rule has to be your best friend for now.
1. Moving on is a struggle. You can’t move on if you’re stuck in the same spot in your love life. As long as you stay around your ex, you’ll constantly remember how much you miss your relationship. Only when you take an emotional step away will you be able to look around and find new things to fill that emptiness you feel in your heart.
2. Your feelings will always be rekindled. Not because you both decide to move on you because your ex is not giving you a chance and your relationship status is changed it means your heart will automatically change, it will take some time to get over.
3. Focus on the healing. It’s easier to focus on the healing when you don’t have to keep staring at that annoyingly perfect face of your ex. Memories have a sneaky way of cropping up each time you see your ex. And the more you see your ex, the harder it’ll be to stop loving them. Those photos you took together, just place in a folder somewhere for now.
4. Just forgive, it is never easy to forgive someone when they have wronged you but I find that forgiveness even if not fully understood is a beautiful thing, just let the person know that you have forgiven them, let them hear the words forgiveness, you mind will be thankful for it.
After a break up, all your heart wants is someone to fill the emptiness in it. Your ex may be triggered by your hurt, sometimes they stick around for an ego boost, you may think it as a signal for reconciliation but that most times is not the case.
5. If you continue to interact with your ex it is going to be impossible for you to open your heart to a new experience an experience that could very well be excellent for you. You feel miserable because you are doing everything to get the attention of your ex when you could be healing nicely. I do not recommend rebound relationships, there is so much to learn during this period without putting on a band-aid to heal your broken heart.
6. Your life is cluttered with broken memories. You need new memories and experiences that doesn’t involve your ex if you ever want to get back up on your feet and sense a sliver of happiness again. The more you see your ex, the more you’ll remember the old times.
7. The dreaded on-off relationship. When two exes ignore the no contact rule and stay in touch, almost all the time, they end up getting back together because they’re both lonely and need a relationship to feel complete.
Even before you realize it, both of you may end up getting back together in the heat of a private moment when no one’s around. And if a relationship isn’t really meant to be because of so many different expectations, you may end up experiencing an on-off relationship which will hurt you a lot more, and leave you feeling worse than ever before. It does happen that two persons decide to break it off, that is what is best, yet the lonely feeling is so overwhelming that years after the initial breakup persons are still in something that is not defined when they could have gone on to be living a successful and fulfilling life elsewhere, in cases like those no contact is good for your broken heart.
8. You can’t be yourself around you ex again… ever. Let’s face it, a breakup changes everything about the relationship. You can’t just wrap your ex in your arms or kiss them goodbye when you feel like it. There will always be an awkwardness in the air unless both of you are completely over each other. Can you really handle the awkwardness all the time? Is staying friends with your ex worth more than your peace of mind? Friendship is not impossible, but you have to allow time to bring it around.
9. An ex’s touch leaves you more vulnerable than ever. When you’re in a relationship with someone, there’s bound to be a lot of sexual chemistry in the relationship. But after you break up with them, there’s a complete restriction on the things you used to do with them, sexually or romantically. So many times you both cross the line when you stay in touch and this can bring about confusion.
And when any activity becomes a taboo or a restriction, it ends up becoming an addiction because you want it more badly than ever before. If you’re still in love with your ex, every single touch or a goodbye hug could end up electrifying the air with sexual tension. And you’d feel more pained each time you touch each other.
10. You’d get hurt if you stay in touch. This is especially true if your ex has already moved on. Each time you try to get warm with them or try to remind them about those special times both of you shared, your ex may appease, be silent and not encouraging, this can hurt your esteem. And there you’d be, standing all alone with a broken heart that’s filled with helpless humiliation.
11. Sad frustrations. Even watching your ex flirt with someone, or staring at a few happy pictures of your ex on Facebook hugging someone else can annoy you. And the worst part, not a single person in the world would truly understand what you feel at that moment. You’re all alone and miserable, all because you decided to stay in touch and avoid the no contact rule
12. You’re missing a piece of your heart. A piece of your heart is missing because you’ve given it away to your ex. And let’s face it, after the break up, you can never get it back.
You need your space to either let your heart heal or have it filled with love from another person. Staying connected will always remind you of that gaping hole inside you, and it’ll never heal as long as you’re constantly around the person who took it away from you in the first place. [Read: 10 steps to get over your romance with a happy memory]
No contact is good for your broken heart
You love your ex, and you can’t ever imagine not talking to them or seeing them every day. Your heart hurts, and you feel lost without them in your arms. But you know what, unfortunately for you, you really have no choice here.
You can’t heal your heart unless you walk away. It’s a miserable and pathetic feeling, but your shattered heart will heal sooner than you think. All you need to do is give your heart a safe chance to heal itself by avoiding the person who breaks your heart every time they walk into your life.
The no contact rule is very hard to follow. But for your own happiness, you need to learn to deal with your addiction. It won’t be easy to avoid someone you love so much, but a few months down the lane of lost love and you’ll realize that this was the best decision, after all.