The relationship has been over for a few weeks now, a few months for some and for others a number of years, but you are still thinking about your ex. After much introspection you still think that he is a great guy, why did it not work, it ended so suddenly, maybe you guys fought for it but here you are, missing your ex so much it hurts.
I am not going to talk about the different cases, if he cheated or not, the circumstances that led to your breakup, this article is just about getting to that place of wanting the relationship back and for those who have tried everything and came up short, you should continue reading.
Getting your ex back is not as difficult as you may think, you just need to be disciplined in your method.
Maybe you messed up. You certainly can apologize for that. But whether you are able to win him back or not, he’s going to need some time to reflect on things to figure out if he can forgive you and if being together is best for both of you.
He knows he can take you back. And certainly, after you’ve had some time apart, you should sit down and talk about how things went wrong, and whether or not this relationship is worth fixing.
How to get him back STEP 1 – NO CONTACT RULE
You are going to need to clear your head, the only way you can do that is to stay away from him for a while and long while if that is what it takes. This is not for him to miss you and then reach out, that could happen too but it for you to disappear out of his life completely. If he tries to contact you make it impossible. He may not reach out to you either, but do not get desperate and reach out thinking that being away is only going to put him into someone else’s arms.
Steering clear of your ex gives you time to see what life is like without him. It allows you to see things without a skewed perspective. You may have thought he was perfect for you, but the longer you’re apart, you might start to see large problems that you’d swept under the rug when you were together. Being apart gives you time to work on yourself and start rebuilding your strength.
How to get him back STEP 2 – DO NOT BEG FOR ANY REASON
I did it and when I think about it, that was certainly the nail in the coffin of the relationship. I am going to tell you exactly what I did. “I am so sorry, I will never take you for granted again, I love you, please do not leave me, I know I can be a better man for you, I will die without you, I will never find another like you, I will never want to be in another relationship ever!”
If this sounds like you then you messed up big time! It is not the end of the world you can recover from this.
You should never make him feel that you cannot do without him, men are very different than women are and begging is a big turn off for them/us. Our brains are just wired differently and so when we see the tears, the begging, the pleading, the going down on your knees, inviting him in for one last night of passion with the hope that he will change his mind, that is just not going to work, it never has and never will.
How to get him back STEP 3 – DO NOT OBSESS OVER HIM
Take him off right now, no one deserves to be on a pedestal, relationships are about two persons looking out for each other. I know, all you can think about his him, you cannot help yourself is what you are saying, maybe you should just cut your losses, forget about relationships altogether, maybe relationships are not for you… that is the devil talking.
Start out by thinking what you always wanted to do and have not done it in a while, reach out to friends and family you have not spoken to in a while, find a therapist, a relationship coach to talk to, but do not obsess about his lack of caring, he was wicked to have broken your heart, how could you have given your heart to someone like this!
You may find that the more time you have away from the situation, the less it hurts, or even the less you want him back. So take the time to get back to doing the things you used to love to do to find perspective on your love life. This is not suggesting that you are not going to want him back, but this is getting away from an emotion that can cripple your chances of getting him back.
How to get him back STEP 4 – INITIATE CONTACT
You are stronger now, you are not obsessing, you have done your introspection and this man is still on your mind.
You are not at this stage trying to get him back, but you are reaching out after a while, preferably 4 weeks to check upon him. Not hearing from you and not being able to talk to you would leave him with some curiosity and so you will capitalize on this emotion.
Ask to meet up, talk about stuff, let him know that he is a spectacular person, that for the time you were away from him you discovered some wonderful things about yourself, just do not gloat.
The goal is to connect…
Avoid confrontation and instead, work on resolutions to get you talking again. But realize that he may be unable to give you what you want. If the reason he wasn’t emotionally communicative in your relationship was that he wasn’t falling in love with you, there’s not much you can do to change that. In that case, this conversation will have to be closure so that you can move on.
Make sure you don’t dominate the conversation, particularly if you have a habit of doing all the talking. Ask how he feels about things. What’s been going through his mind since the breakup? That you miss the friendship. Try not to have a conversation about the relationship and what went wrong, if you are going to talk about the relationship, focus on the good times you had together, if he wants to talk about the bad times, then let him, just let him know that you were not aware that it affected him that much and you know things were bad, but you moved on from those feelings and was always happy being around him.
How to get him back STEP 5 – COMMIT TO A BETTER YOU
When persons commit to a better them, it will translate to a better relationship. Truth be told, sometimes after doing all the above, you may want him back in your life, but on the other hand, you may not.
“I think there’s this misconception that if you love someone, that’s enough to keep a relationship going for decades. But studies show that it’s respect, not love, that makes for longevity in a relationship. If you respect your partner, you will be willing to make that continual effort to make them happy. You’ll do your best to be what they need.” Quote, I plucked from Sexy Confidence in an article.
Once two persons commit to doing what they can to the best of their ability in making their relationship work, it normally does. Do not be afraid of being by yourself, learning about yourself and appreciating who you are, once you are able to do that then it is a breeze in communicating what your needs are.
If the relationship will never work then by gathering information for closure and your next relationship, you will make for a better person and that sure could translate into a better you. The persons who follow these simple steps will tell you, the journey was worth it.