Just think about it, whatever the circumstances are, breakups are hard, even under the most amicable of circumstances. For some of us for every breakup, you are thrown in an emotional place that can cripple you for a while. It is important to at least have knowledge of taking care of yourself after a breakup.
In my post, I will share with you my own experience and the observation of social science to the subject of how to take care of you. So many times after the end of a relationship the question is asked, ‘so what do I do now?’
Here are 5 things I think is absolutely necessary for you to do in order to get to a healthy place which is the goal.
- Be patient with the stages. There are some stages after the breakup that you should be aware of, shock, anger, bargaining, relapse and acceptance. It affects each of us differently however it is good to know the stages and be ready for the different stages and just be patient with yourself. Do not feel you are a sad case when you just want to sleep in a bed, turn off the phone and watch movies until your eyes are red, cry if you must, disappear if you want to, whatever you want to do for those few days, do it and do it quickly.
- Focus on the Silver line. Interesting thought, however, do you know that after every break up there is a silver lining? There is a takeaway, something to learn, the breakup was for a reason. We call it a redemptive narrative, every negative situation has a lesson when you talk with persons who were burnt in a relationship you will notice in the beginning they are so angry but depending on their confidence level and especially someone who has a secure attachment style, the bouncing rate is pretty quick. I don’t know about you but I like new beginnings.
- Do Fun Things. When you are in an intimate relationship you will compromise, for example, you hate going to the gym but because your significant other wanted you to you just did it. After a while you are reflecting your ex desires coupled with yours, of course, however now that you are alone you can focus on the things that you enjoy doing, and it does work. Rediscovering you is a beautiful thing you may just surprise yourself, I am laughing now, but do not allow your social circle in misleading you, being single is not as scary as it may appear, it has some wonderful benefits.
- Be compassionate to yourself. Sure you are angry, you made mistakes, how could you have allowed yourself to fall for your ex, you deserve better, and you swear to the heavens, never again. Maybe if I said it this way, I should not have gone to the party then I would not feel jealous and act silly over his/her admirer. You even get angry at yourself for getting angry at something you said. Please just STOP! You are human and will make mistakes in your relationship and if your significant other cannot appreciate that you are then let them go, let it go… move on. Self-compassion involves viewing yourself in with kindness and acceptance, not being overly focused or identified with negative emotions, and acknowledging that many others in the world have likely been where you are now at some point in their lives Recent work found that divorcees who expressed higher levels of self-compassion when talking about the end of their marriage also reported fewer intrusive negative thoughts and feelings about their divorce than those who were less self-compassionate. What was especially impressive was that higher self-compassion predicted reduced negativity even nine months later. The research is out there.
- Taking care of yourself after a breakup. Hard to do I know! But forgiving allows you to live again! Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Forgiveness is key in the healing process. The best thing you can do when you’re dealing with heartbreak is to keep yourself, your heart and your health safe!
So after a breakup, if you read this, you will not be asking the question of what now? For all you who think that getting the ex back is the first move will appreciate this post. Good luck!