All relationships will have highs and lows, we are constantly changing our goals, dreams and values.
Conflicts are inevitable so as we construct the theme of our relationship there must be a need to be flexible. As we learn to find and accentuate the positive in our relationships they become more satisfying and when conflict emerges it’s easier to work through.
According to Pastor Derek Bignall, “I take my relationship seriously with a smile“. At first it did not make sense to me, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense… if you cannot focus on the positive things about your partner then your relationship is going to fail.
To help you focus on the positive aspects of your partner, here are few suggestions:
Learn to forgive… While you don’t have to agree with what your partner did to you, when working on how to forgive, it often helps to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Research has shown that empathy, particularly with men, is associated with forgiveness, and can make the process easier. Instead of seeing them as ‘the enemy,’ try to understand the factors that they were dealing with. Were they going through a particularly difficult time in their lives? Have you ever made similar mistakes? Try to remember partner’s good qualities, assume that their motives were not to purposely cause you pain (unless you have clear indicators otherwise), and you may find it easier to forgive.
Practice Responding Actively… Given all the listening that we do, you would think we’d be good at it! In fact most of us are not, and research suggests that we only remember between 25 percent and 50 percent of what we hear. That means that when you talk to your partner for 10 minutes, they pay attention to less than half of the conversation.
Turn it around and it reveals that when you are receiving directions or being presented with information, you aren’t hearing the whole message either. You hope the important parts are captured in your 25-50 percent, but what if they’re not? How about practicing active listening and responding, you would not believe how powerful this is in strengthening your relationship, how else can you know about the positive things about your partner if you are not listening?
Showing Gratitude… In a Family Seminar, Pastor Derek Bignall went on to say, “We should say, please, thank you, I appreciate you, should be used around our homes everyday”. Words Related to courtesy. attentiveness, consideration, thoughtfulness. chivalrousness, chivalry, courtliness, gallantry, gentlemanliness, knightliness. breeding, manners. , unctuousness, urbanity. elegance, refinement. deference, respect. decency, decorousness, decorum, polish, propriety, respectability, seamless, and your relationship will work… just try it.
Once these words are used then you are honestly on your way…
Gratitude is a great way to focus on the positive. Take time each night to write down some things your partner did that day. They may have said something nice, did something kind for you, or showed generosity to someone else. Whatever it was, write it down to remind yourself of what you appreciate about them.
Identify and focus on your partner’s strengths: Identify your partner’s top two strengths. Focus on these and help your partner to use these in day-to-day life. Your relationship can be meaningful if you just take the time to focus on the positive things about your partner.
Nice afro honey, it really make your face pops! A compliment or two will go a far way.