There are two things people hate to hear when they are in love with someone, “we need to talk” and “I need some space”. When we hear these statements our first reaction to it is, I am going to get rid of you or I am putting you down easy, they even hear breakup.
As a couple, it is natural to desire to be with each other whenever it is possible to be together. I believe it is natural for us to desire to share our lives fully with each other and be joined at the hip. The caveat to this is that even while we have a desire to be with each other all the time, we also must understand that there are times when one person or both will need to have time to be alone.
While reading this I am sure you are saying, yeah, this is true, but if your partner came to you with it at a moment you were not ready to hear it then there is going to be trouble. We all know as social as we are we have the need to sometimes be alone, that is the time we can be introspective, we can spend time in our minds, but for some reason when we agree to be with someone in a relationship a switch goes off and if you expect to see this person at a certain time and they say not today, an uneasy feeling stirs up in your belly.
Most times when a person wants to be alone it has nothing to do with the other person, sometimes a person thinks best when there is no one around, they just simply need some space to process.
Unfortunately, this is not what the other person sees when they hear from the one they love that they want to be left alone for a while. Their ego gets bruised and they take the other person’s need to be alone as an affront to them and, in doing so, insist on not allowing the other person to have some space without first grilling them as to why they need their space. This grilling in turn upsets the person who needs space and creates a bigger problem than first existed, which often escalates into a disagreement, hurt feelings, etc.
Not allowing another person to have their space is often spurred by insecurity. This insecurity is a by-product of the ego. Our ego loves to be in control and the moment it is not in control, our ego begins to fabricate all kinds of thoughts and feelings that are not healthy, such as resentment, jealousy and other dysfunctional behaviours that can bruise the relationship.
When our significant other says that he/she needs some space, needs some alone time, the loving thing to do is to back off and permit that alone time. We must allow the person whom we love so dearly to have the time they need with the understanding that their need to be alone is not a personal attack against us. Let this person know that you understand, we all need space and offer support where support is necessary. When we allow this alone time from a state of love, then we do not feel threatened by it and the other person does not feel guilty for needing to have alone time. This allows the alone time to be a positive experience for each person in the relationship which in the end will serve to strengthen the relationships rather than diminish it.