So your heart is broken, you have gone through all the stages of being shocked, angry, bargaining to the acceptance stage and the most important part the process of healing. Forgiveness and love are the furthest things from your thoughts when you think about an ex, however, it does feel wonderful when you start getting up to a morning of not remembering the ugly breakup.
You start going out again, meeting new persons as you go. Healing from a Broken Heart is an interesting process, it leaves you with an objective and mature feeling making you almost happy that you experienced heartbreak. You will ask the questions in your mind. Is this the right girl, am I going to give my heart again, will it hurt again? Questions no one can answer, except you. The interesting phase is you will feel good, however, the minute you enter another relationship some old feelings will come, not that healing is not taking place but it is a process!
I did not want to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated, and confused – All these are feelings you must have as they are part of the healing process. These intense feelings people try to avoid. The anxious feelings about what about my love life for the future, it is okay to remember the hurt, but you will understand the hurt because you embraced the feelings and understood what it all meant.
I did not give myself a break – ‘I thought I had to function on the optimal level, so I dived into work, got more active at church, all this time feeling tired in my heart and head. It is like not drinking water you will thirst, but there is a way of dealing with that and it is to drink water and the thirst will go away. Once you continue to feed your heart with nurturing and care, it will heal.
Don’t keep the feeling inside – I should have been sharing my feelings with friends and family through the period. Some persons join support groups, they can talk to others with similar experiences, I found a site that helped, thank you Relationship Talk! Make a journal, talk to a counsellor, but do not keep the emotions locked up.
So let me share with you some things I have learned since that breakup and a perfect way you can heal from hurt and separation, preparing yourself for a healthy tomorrow.
- Don’t fight the feelings – Ups and downs will happen, don’t fight it, go with it.
- Know the difference between a normal reaction and depression tendencies – Grief is normal, but when it is lasting too long then you need to pay attention. You will notice that after days of grief, you start feeling better, but if you are not feeling any better after many days, then see a doctor.
- Talk – This is proven to be one of the most effective methods, we tend to shut ourselves in, but this is the time to talk, I just talked about it with whomever and now I am good to go.
- Moving on is the goal – Expressing your feelings will liberate you in a way, but it is important not to dwell on the negative feelings or to over-analyze the situation. Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger, and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward…can I get a witness!!!
- Remind yourself that you still have a future – It was hard for me to let the dream go of my past relationship, but the moment I did was the moment my liberation came. Now I have new hopes and dreams and it’s a beautiful place to be.
That is how you heal, those are the things you need to do. Hey! You need to be honest with yourself during this process. Try not to dwell on who is to blame or beat yourself up over your mistakes. Healing from a broken heart has its challenges but the operative word is healing, you have an opportunity to learn more about yourself, how you relate to others, and the problems you need to work on. If you are able to objectively examine your own choices and behaviour, including the reasons why you chose your former partner, you’ll be able to see where you went wrong and make better choices in the future.
Enjoy the ride of healing, I am, and it’s wonderful!