When you grow up in an era when things were all about doing the right thing in the right place at the right time or your life will be considered a failure then you know you are in trouble. Why? The first question we ask ourselves is “Who am I?” You can become whomever you want to be and overcome your shyness in bed.
It was disconcerting for men to hear their wives confess that they are uncomfortable with initiating sex, surprisingly enough quite a few men complain about this. In a survey that was done by the University of the West Indies, it is discovered that almost 67% of men who got married in the 80’s and 90’s were surprised to note that many women who were groomed for marriage were uncomfortable with telling their partners that sex was important to them and sharing what their needs were.
They would take a long bath, put something sexy on and they would make themselves sexually available in their minds, the husbands, on the other hand, were totally unaware of this and another frustrated woman would go to bed unfulfilled from her shyness in bed or lack of understanding of herself and her man.
The man, on the other hand, would just reach for the woman and because she is frustrated her response to him would suggest she is not interested, even if she was she would not be mentally ready and so the sexual encounter would be one of regret and misunderstanding.
It would be easy for us to suggest that these individuals talk, however, it is never that easy when you were brought up having to suppress certain desires all in the name of decency and ladylikeness, the self-esteem issues, societies expectation of who the woman should or should not be, all contributes her shyness in bed.
Let us try to see how we can alleviate the difficulty of being shy in bed by stating what we desire so our acts of intimacy can be fulfilling and healthy for both partners.
Tip #1: Think about sex all day long
If you know you’re going to be getting physical tonight, get your mind excited by thinking about it from the minute you wake up. Imagine him in the shower with you, caressing your body with the hot soapy water.
When you’re eating your lunch, imagine that he is feeding it to you, bite by bite, letting his finger linger on your lower lip.
If you spend the entire day thinking seductive, hot and sexy thoughts about you and your man, you’ll be so ready for him when he gets home that you’ll forget you were ever shy. Just realize that sex doesn’t start in the bedroom, it starts in the mind, sure we put so much responsibility on the men, the expectation and if the experience fails then most men walk away thinking it’s their fault.
Tip #2: Make sure you’re in comfortable surroundings
If you don’t feel safe and secure when you’re intimate, it can be hard to take a step outside the box and embrace your sexuality by saying or doing things you wouldn’t normally do. You need to be content and relaxed in your environment.
Maybe that means that you spend more time at your place than his if that’s where you’re more at ease. Or, if you live together, make the bedroom as inviting as possible so that you feel comfortable being yourself in it.
Tip #3: Let go of your not-so-perfect body
Whether you have a few more pounds than you’d like or a scar or birthmark, you need to let it go. No, you’re not perfect, but here’s some news for you – neither is he.
You’re attracted to him and he’s not the icon of physical perfection, right? Then why is it so hard to believe that he can be attracted to you? There’s no such thing as one-size-fits-all when it comes to what body type turns people on.
Some guys prefer women who are tall, others short. While some men want their women to be skinny as rails, others want them to have some extra weight to love on. So quit comparing yourself to other women. He’s obviously attracted to you, so let go of your flaws and just enjoy his affection, and make sure you smell good, most men are attracted to smell.
Tip #4: Focus on how it feels
If it’s the visual aspect of sex that makes you nervous, focus on your sense of touch. If you have to, either close your eyes or turn the lights down very low, turning it off could hurt the experience somehow in my opinion.
Concentrate on how his fingers feel when they glide across your skin. Pay attention to how your body tingle when he touches certain areas of your body. Feel your excitement rise as his hot breath meets the back of your neck. You’ll be so caught up in your own body’s responses by giving a few noises of approval that there will be no doubt in his mind what turns you on without you even having to say it. There is no point in keeping quiet, if you like to be touched here or there, then your green light is your moan.
Tip #5: When you’re with him, visualize your fantasy
Basically, you want to roleplay in your mind. If you’re not comfortable telling him that you’d love to wear a barely-there nurse uniform while you tend to him, your sick patient, then just pretend that you have one on and let your mind take over, always remember it is the mind that can make it pleasurable for you or make it an unpleasant experience. Men sometimes think they are the ones in control if you make him feel he controls then you can get him to do most things.
Sometimes it’s hard to say what you want so if you can’t say it, then just think it. Your mind is powerful. Sex is a beautiful, wonderful thing. And, when you’re able to enjoy yourself fully, it’s even more amazing. It’s time to take your experiences to new levels and unleash your inner sex goddess. She’s waiting or should I say he’s waiting.