Some things in life are inevitable and unfortunately, one of those things is stress. We cannot prevent stress from being a part of our lives but we can take steps in managing stress. Sometimes it is difficult to know how to manage stress so we are going to take some time in assessing if stress is affecting us significantly and is Stress Interfering with your Sex Life?
If stress is extended it will most likely affect your sex life and you will ask questions such as:
Where did my sex drive go?
Why can’t I get in the mood?
Why is it taking so long to get an orgasm?
Why is it not getting as hard as it could?
Why am I losing focus during the act?
We tend to keep stress to ourselves, just imagine going to a friend and sharing the embarrassment of not being able to satisfy your partner the way you knew you could, how without warning this is happening especially for those who are prediabetic and hypertensive and we are many.
According to Sex Therapist Laura Berman, there is some common myth that we should be careful of.
- If stress affects your romantic feelings for your partner, you may as well get divorced.
- Once your sex drive disappears, it doesn’t come back
- If your partner doesn’t desire you because they’re stressed, this means they don’t love you anymore.
For some of us, we would hear the question frequently from our partners, you do not love me anymore, I am not sexy enough for you and we all know that is not the truth.
The problem with the myth, however, is if you are convinced if any of that is true then where do you go from there? Many relationships are broken up because of this, how do you recover from the feeling that there is nothing you can do when faced with the issue of a sexless relationship due to stress?
It is always important to talk it through as a couple, sometimes the partner who is stressed internalizes and doesn’t realize that both parties are affected equally by the situation and tend to see the other partner as demanding and the enemy and will shut out that partner. It is always best to seek professional help you will soon realize that many persons do suffer from this and the effect is indeed reversible and is not a death sentence on your marriage/relationship.
Stress has to be managed as a team, if not then the relationship is going to suffer.
There is an article out there that gives a wonderful explanation on why the sex drive is affected when stress is driving the conscious and the subconscious of the individual.
This article talks about the three factors that hurt the process. The two nervous systems, changing of hormones and how closeness is replaced by absence.
We spend time trying to figure out what is happening with our bodies, that our moods are changing every day and sometimes we are not even aware of how affected we are.
Maj Wisemans says and I quote, “Your sexuality is not only affected by hormones, but also by social, relational, and psychological factors. When the stress hormones kick in, closeness is replaced by absence. It is nearly impossible to be present – to listen and to be interested in the people around you – if you’re feeling stressed out. It’s hard to deal with anyone but yourself.
The stress hormones pumping through your body are encouraging you to either fight or flight. This can even lead to you being aggressive towards your partner. You might start to snap at them or yell at them. The people you normally love having around you can suddenly feel like a source of irritation because they demand time with you.”
Here are some simple things you can do to alleviate stress when it is affecting your sex life.
Talk to your partner about what you are feeling and express that you do understand what they could be feeling too, make it about the relationship and not about you.
See a physician, you can do so with your significant other or you can simple just go on your own. Truth is not every physician is equipped in dealing with the issue of this nature, so do your homework and not be overwhelmed with talking about it. Sometimes all is required is a tweak here and there, a change of diet perhaps and walla!
Accept that your sex drive will fluctuate over time. Gone are the days when persons see the changes after menopause or men over a certain age, very young couples are now experiencing this, the good news it is no reason to panic and give up on your relationship.
Focus on nurturing your sex life back to health, this is the time when kissing and cuddles are just as important as when you both started out. Remember the days when you wanted it but had to settle for kissing and cuddles until the opportunity came, then we got to the point of let’s get over with it and now that our bodies are reacting to something foreign like stress, we just panic and it is fight or flight?
Let us go back to the days of romance, let us get back to focusing on the experience of making love and not just having sex. We can kiss the stress out of our partners, this is known to be true as I have been interacting with my clients and one thing I have noticed for sure when the communication is open and honest when both individuals are committed to loving each other, the issue in no time reverses.
Do not allow stress to dictate our relationships… good luck to all those who found the time to read through to the end of this article.