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The million dollar question is, ‘what makes for a good relationship?’ with no manual, just examples and a couple of opinions from friends and family we are still compel to ask the question. I was one of those who grew up with great examples, my Grandparent’s marriage lasted 77 years and my parents are still going strong with 52 years to this day, wow! With those great examples you think I would have been okay right, wrong! It was a challenge, however you would do anything to make your relationship work despite background good or bad examples .
Even though I had these examples I had my own idea of what I thought I wanted my relationship to be, The Cosby’s of course – that is just it, makes it look so easy, no one prepared me for what was ahead and even though the work is hard, preparation is half the battle. We have all types of information out there, from relatives, friends, the Internet, yet I was at sea when it was my time and guess what, I felt I could not swim!
Check this out and treat it as Gospel:
Fight Fear – my dad would say all these years I never raised my voice at your mother, honestly I never heard them fight so I thought when my first argument with my wife was a reality, I thought, gosh, I married the wrong girl. One of the early mistakes people make is assuming that any sort of argument is inherently a bad thing in relationships; if people fight then it’s a sign that their very foundation is flawed and love is a lie, right? Wrong, the issue is not that they fight but how they fight…
Just like boxing there are rules, no thumping below the belt, no biting on the ears, Mike Tyson would have been an excellent boxer had he known about that rule, do not say and do anything that you may have to take back and it is a very simple rule, stay on point. You do not have to shout to get your point across, it is that simple.
Take Risk Together
Doing the same old thing, repeating the same old stories, and staying the course is what we have been taught how to maintain a relationship, but notice what I said, taking risk together. The problem however, is that as the passion fades, it’s easy to get, well, kinda bored. In fact, no matter how amazing the sex is or how hot your partner is, eventually it’s – in the words of Billy Bob Thornton – “Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it’s tuna, but it says ‘Chicken of the Sea.’.” One way of reintroducing novelty into your relationship is to get out of your comfort zone. Not just sexually, mind you, but in your day-to-day life. Part of what makes relationships fell stale is that we fall into ruts; comfortable ruts, but ruts none the less. When every day is fundamentally the same, it all starts to blend together. Forcing yourselves out of the rut by trying things you might otherwise never attempt forces you to adapt to new and unknown situations.
Take Personal Time
You are a couple and yes you are married to each other but you are going to need your space. Having time apart is a key component to a happy, satisfied relationship. Taking some time to yourself allows you to recharge your emotional batteries, connect with friends on your own and keep feeling like you have your own life… even though you now share it with someone else. It also allows you to pursue your interests and hobbies without having to drag your partner along for the ride; there’s nothing that kills the joy of doing something you love like forcing somebody who only barely tolerates it to take part. I can remember dragging her to football games until one day she said no more, I was devastated and certainly acted out, but looking back it really had nothing to do with me, but for some reason when our partner doesn’t want to go to the dance with us, we get all upset and our first notion is to think that if they cares enough they would, not really.
You are in this together
I remember posting something on Facebook, it was a mood that I was in and my partner called me up and was very upset and I wondered why was she upset, I was sharing something about me, but she made a great point, how do you think I would feel if you said you were not doing great, I want to be the first to know. Now that I think about it, I honestly should have thought about her feelings and no matter what it is, no matter how trivial it is to you, share it with your partner. That’s the thing about relationships. If you’re at all serious, then it means that the two of you are going to have to face the good times and the bad times together. You can’t segregate some aspect off and pretend that it doesn’t affect your partner too.
You don’t just want someone who’s there with you for some of the good times… you want someone who’s there for all of them and who’s got your back when things go bad.
Make your relationship work
There are times you may feel that it is not going to happen, not this, I have been doing this for years and he/she wants to take it away from you, no matter what it is, a peaceful relationship is better than hanging with your buds for a while. It is Sunday and the games are coming on and I am all prepared to watch my games, it is my ritual for years, in the middle of it she is asking, “Can you please take out the garbage?” What!!!! This is a woman who would come by on a Sunday and watch the games with me, she knows how much my Sunday are and should not be disturbed, but at the end of the day, her interpretation of the game and your interpretations are different, she will never understand that side of you and you will never understand why would she ask you to take out the garbage just at the time when Aaron Rodgers is in the red zone and about to make the winning touchdown. There are some things about her that you will never understand and guess what? You never will.
And don’t forget: you can and should renegotiate frequently. Circumstances change, lifestyles adjust; a relationship is an ongoing conversation and should be treated like one.
It really comes down to two persons who want at the end of the day to have this person in their corner who you know for sure that though the heaven falls, this person has your back, you can achieve this, just follow the simple rules of relationships and you will be fine.