It is no joke, there are folks who struggle in keeping friends.
Just recently I went to a pet store and saw a fighter fish in a fishbowl, he was swimming by himself and I thought it was a very lonely just to look at. When I ask the store owner why is this fish by himself he went on to explain that fighters are very dangerous and are known to attack even their own kind.
It is said that they are very territorial and if threatened can do harm to another fish and so they are kept isolated unless you place the male with a female when it is time for mating.
It is difficult however to guess why some persons find it so hard in keeping friends, however, if you did any kind of research you will discover a pattern rather than an isolated occurrence and something that will require changing if you really want to have friends.
Maybe it is time to do some introspection if you are noticing that you are mostly alone and it is hard to hold on to friends.
Here are some points you can consider when it is time for your introspection:
- Your attachment styles – Maybe because of your upbringing you may find it difficult in forming a bond with persons, intimate relationships are scary and so you approach every relationship with a negative feeling and an expecting of being hurt.
Are you an introvert. Do you prefer spending time by yourself instead of having a couple of friends come over? People who are aware of this are not going to be coming around, when they call you up how is your reaction to them, always busy, never finding the time to reply to invitation and maybe you do not invite folks over, it is so much work when you have to put up with your negative self, but also with that of other persons coming around.
Low self-esteem. Do you feel you have to measure up to persons, especially those who love to ask questions about your life? It is so much easier to sit in front of the TV with a bag of chips and a long drink of limeade.
Temperament. Do you feel uncomfortable around people, this may transition into persons feeling uncomfortable around you.
Your communication style. Do you find it difficult to call up friends, most times you really do not have anything to say? When you hear the phone ring, do you get annoyed and wonder why now and would hope that the person would call back another time?
Personality. Are you pushy, clingy, opinionated, aggressive? Are you fiercely independent, you have all the answers on your life and find it a little offensive when someone offers unsolicited advice? Are you easily offended and find that most persons around you don’t have a clue?
Geographical location. Are you living in an area that is way out of town and is difficult for persons to come to see you or for you to see others or just at a place where you are considered the outsider?
Experience. This has nothing to do with your age, some of us just lack people skills and cannot be bothered. Do you think you have what it takes to be a good friend to someone?
Expectation. Do you think your expectation of what to expect from friendship is realistic, that a true friend will never hurt you or say bad things against you and friends are perfect and dedicated and sweet?
If you are truly feeling lonely and you are finding difficult in forming friendship then you can start by reaching out to someone who can assist you in being objective about what is contributing to that, you can reach out here.
Even if you are not interested in getting help this list is a great starting point for you. There is a statement that says, “If you want friends to show yourself friendly“, I especially like this bible verse that says, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” John 15:12-15. Having friends is important to a healthy life, everybody adopts a second family after their real one. This second family are our friends. We spend a lot of time with them, we experience some of the most important or major moments of our lives with them and we can rely on them no matter the issue. So if you do not have a friend, you can start with the points. Good luck.