We know who a bully is, we know when someone says go get a room what that means, what some of us don’t understand is the term bedroom bully. A man or woman that is the primary initiator of sex in the bedroom. He/she controls sex and therefore controls the bedroom, sounds intimidating doesn’t it.
For most person if bullied they are not happy, so we can conclude how someone feels when confronted with such a person. So here are some pointers that we decided to share if you are indeed a bedroom bully.
1. When you know you are a bedroom bully.
Men claim they love it when women take control when their women show them they are as hot for them as they are hot for their women. And that’s true – to a point. “Many men I know always claim to wish women would be more aggressive in bed, but having spoken to lots of guys who hang out at the pub, some refusing to go home until their women are fast asleep claim their women are too aggressive!” When your man is tired and decides to allow tonight to pass and you start shouting and pouting about it in the bedroom, chances are you are a bedroom bully.
2. Your toys intimidate him.
“You are a bedroom bully when the vibrator you bring into the mix when we have sex is bigger than my penis. Seriously, you just killed my tango-ego!” says Tim McSpadden, CEO of Love a la Carte, LLC.
3. You never stop shouting orders.
You’re screaming, lusty commands to “(expletive) your sweet (expletive) faster and harder” are fun for a while, but seriously girl, reel it in a little bit. “I don’t want to wake the neighbours, scare the dogs or bruise my pelvic bone,” says McSpadden, you are being a bully!
4. You always initiate sex.
“Men want to believe that they are the aggressor who makes you surrender to them in bed by driving you wild with desire,” says psychologist Dr Carole Lieberman. So, men begin to feel that you’re way too aggressive in bed if you initiate sex more often than they do, tell them what you want them to do to you, as if you’re conducting an orchestra or barking orders to soldiers, or critique their performance and tell them what you want them to do better next time, chances are you are a bedroom bully.
5. He (or you) are literally chafing.
Maybe you like to bring it to the kinky side of things, and that’s fine if you are both into it! If you have been so aggressive, he’s gone into flight mode, abandon ship, says Timlake.
6. You go straight for his dick.
“I hear more men complain that women aren’t aggressive enough in bed,” says Astroglide’s Resident Sexologist, Dr Jess. “But I also hear men complain about their partners going straight for their package as soon as their lips meet,” says Dr Jess. “Men like foreplay too (research shows men and women desire a similar duration) and the build-up and anticipation help to intensify their arousal and eventual orgasm, so take your time and tease a little.” You cuss that he is not getting it up and suffers from ED, however every time he thinks about it, he gets an anxiety attack, most guys do not do very well if they are afraid to be criticized again.
7. You never let him take the lead.
Yes, sometimes it’s good to be the girl on top! He likes it when you show your seductive side. But dating expert Laurel House shares that there has to be a balance. Always being the one to take charge can be an emasculating turnoff, another bullish type approach.
8. You never let him take breaks between orgasms.
You’re always on top – and never break eye contact. “You always stay on top even after I come. I don’t care that you’re still wet, I’m not raring to keep going like you are. I need at least 30 minutes. And maybe a sandwich,” says McSpadden.
9. You always worry about your own orgasm first.
“While you’re giving me a blow job, you reach an orgasm on your own before I do – from YOUR blow-job – to me. AWESOME!” says McSpadden.
10. You refuse to let go of control.
Being too aggressive can be a discreet problem, but a huge problem nonetheless. Stop being so rigid, ‘bully-ism’ is never good. “Stop being afraid that you sound stupid, you’re too loud, your butt looks fat, your boobs look flat, or your stomach flags over in one particular position, and instead just let loose and let go!” says House. Both you and he will enjoy sex so much more if you stop being in such control of your every move and moan, just stop being a bedroom bully and enjoy your partner.